Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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