The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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