I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
