She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
