So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
