hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
