i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
