Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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