I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
