We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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