Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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