Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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