I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
