I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
