I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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