Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize