She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
