Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
