we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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