I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
