capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
