He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
