I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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