I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
