i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
