I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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