hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
