I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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