i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
