I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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