we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
