i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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