You can't motorboat a personality
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
