Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
