so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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