ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize