You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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