yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
