i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
