he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
