wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
