Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
