just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
