By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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