You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
