My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize