So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize