Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He shit in the fireplace
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
