can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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