Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize