I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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