so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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