I think my vagina is haunted
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
