Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
