Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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