Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
