Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize