Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
