I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
