thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
