well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
