she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
