I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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