Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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