whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
