I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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