We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
