Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
