I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
