Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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