did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
