Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
