I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
