Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
