So drunk its hurt
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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