what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
