I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize