While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
