those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
