Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
