Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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