I accidentally had phone sex last night
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
