I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
