Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
